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FORT COLLINS H3 RUN #10 - 20 December 2003

Run number 10 of the Fort Collins H3 was held in the beautiful, lush, gentle rolling hillsides of Greeley, Colorado. Okay, maybe not lush, more freakin' desert like terrain with cow crap and goose sh*t everywhere. Come on, its Greeley. It wouldn't be Greeley unless there was some cow patties! How do you get there, you may ask! Go north until you smell Greeley, then east til you step in the crap. I know, I shamelessly stole this prose from some damn comedian out there. Remember, I am a hasher, therefore only a half a mind! Embellishment is not only allowed, but also highly encouraged.

The hares, U.S.S Itch and me (yep that'd be Sperm Crawler) laid a trail along the cow-patty laden Poudre River Trail. The hounds, which numbered about 18 or so showed up for this gala cowtown event. Most notable, Sloppy Droppings, Sinbad, Speedbump, Le Skin Flute, Head Eunuch, Can't Say No, No Bus(c)h, Little Head, Orally, Twice Daily, Titty Titty Bang Bang and his two Virgins, Triple tongue, Short Dick@law, and Stitch Bitch. If I left any one off of this impressive A-list tough sh*t. Most notably absent: BeaujoLayMe and Begging4it. I guess they have their priorities messed up due to the holiday season. Go figure! They will drink at the next event because of their poor indiscretions...

The temperature was suppose to be around 60 degrees, NOT! The temperature warmed up to a balmy 45 degrees, just enough to make the goosesh*t and cowsh*t get mushy and slippery. Not to be confused with mushy Slippery Rock College! True trail went out of the trailhead parking lot northwest for a bit then circled around to the east along the Poudre River. Two river crossings, through a white trash neighborhood of 3/4 million dollar or greater homes, then further east to a beer check out in the prairie "on golden pond". Then round two of the hash run. Go East young man. I know that must be some type of proclamation! Some local brethren must have coined that phrase. Up and around the school and through a field or two. Then through a newly contructed home site. Finally, up the asphalt trail, laden with thousands of goosesh*t droppings. The HHH was just around the corner at the Coyote Grill. Everyone made it except Twice Daily. Can you say: Lost on trail!

I received a voice message on my cell from Twice Daily, saying she was at a liquor store and heading west to Raffety's Bar. I went and rounded her up, hog tied her, rastled with her, and rode her... oh never mind, too much information. We returned in a few minutes to circle up and put some beers away. U.S.S. Itch and I drank for the usual 'crappy' trail. The the two laywers, speedbump and ShortDick@law had to defend each side of the issue. Should No Bus(c)h drink for her minor attrition, no freakin' beer for the hash! And damn the luck, I was the Jury!.. G-u-i-l-l-t-y. Notice I said NO Bus(c)h. For two hashes, she is not to be known as FFFF Bus(c)h, but No Bus(c)h. Well as any circle goes, we drank to Zippy. Yes he got kicked around again. afterall this is a cowboy town. Head Eunuch and Can't Say No drank for FRBs. Twice Daily for DFL, getting lost on trail and any other thing we could think of. The two virgins drank for their misguiding deeds, showing up to a hash. Got to admit, they definitely had a 'we'd better run and hide'or 'get out of town quick' look on their faces once the songs began. Sooner or later every one drank for just about anything under the Greeley sun. Closed the circle with Swing Low. Some hashers rode off into the sunset instead of eating some grub and vittles with the remainder of the herd at the Coyote Grill. Uss Itch, great trail Pardner.

on out until next month's run
Sperm Crawler


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