Since no one volunteered to write hash trash, I'll give a quick accounting
of the events as I recall them:
The hares were ChuckE Cheeks, Silicone Desires, and PumpMeHarder. It was
cold, damp, and cloudy. We went up hill. We went up some more. Then there
was an incline. Then a mountain. Then, a BEER CHECK! Then the Turkeys
headed back for the cars, while the Eagles went UP. There was a steep hill
covered with slippery pine needles and loose rocks. Then we got to a wall
of rock, it must have been an 80 degree incline! Boulders crashing down!
Ice and snow! We got to the top, only to be thwarted by a fast-moving
train. We got into the tunnel, and it was DARK. I was SCARED, so I held on
tightly to 80-lays, despite her protestations. Finally, she released my
grip and ran from the tunnel, with me in hot pursuit. Then it was down,
down, down, to the On-In, where SiliconeDesires had parked her 4x4 neatly on
top of a boulder, 3 of her wheels in the air. The park ranger laughed, to
see such sport, and the squirrel ran away with the foccaccia. It got cold
and dark unexpectedly quickly, because of the time change. BlueLips turned
into an icicle, and had to be thawed out over the BBQ pit. There was
pumpkin pie and the shortest version of Swing Low I've ever heard. Fun was
had by all.
Thus endeth another fine hash.
I see that G.Q. already wrote a Hash trash for
Sunday’s BH3 run, but since I had already written this
earlier – and didn’t end up sending it when
interrupted – I will go ahead and share my hash trash
with you if you’re interested. Here it is.
If ya didn't get out to the Boulder Hash event last
Sunday, then you're NOT too tired to check your email
and read all about it now. The rest of you who DID
cum, it's understandable if you are still resting your
Okay, so that's overstating it perhaps, but it was not
simply a "walk in the park."
I apologize right now for not remembering or
mentioning all the names, but about 30 hounds came out
on this overcast and chilly day to brave the hills and
rocks and occasional slippery spot (ooh, I know you
boy hounds liked that) on trail in Eldorado Canyon
State Park. What took about 5 hours to scout took the
eagles about 2 hours to complete. Trail first went
up, and then a bit later it went up some more, and
then after that it went up. You get the picture.
At the historic and high-society Crags Hotel everyone
enjoyed a wide variety of refreshments carted there by
our favorite Shurpa (aka Llama and/or packhorse)
Chucky Cheeks. The portion of trail DOWN from the
beer check takes me 10 minutes of pure running to
cover. You can imagine how long it took Chucky to
carry a 40+ pound cooler ON HIS HEAD going UP the same
trail!!! Of course he had to do a down-down for that!
Silicone Desire was our third hare, but she did her
work in her SUV. We should have told her, in
retrospect, NOT to try and drive her truck over
boulders. The park ranger dude had a good laugh
telling us how he'd "never in all his days" seen
someone try and park their truck on TOP of a 3-foot
boulder. The front tire went over -- kachunk -- the
rock, but Silicone was surprised that it wouldn't go
backwards over what she calls "a little tiny rock!" 6
strong hounds eventually grabbed the front end and
this time the driver (not Silicone) DIDN'T stall it
out, and the truck was freed.
After Crag's hotel, the eagles had about 4
creatively-laid "checks" to investigate and when we
sent them on-out to do so, they -- the bastards --
said together, "Oh, that's easy!!" and ignored all
checks but the correct one. Damn them. Then we sent
the Turkeys on-out their correct trail up and into the
At the Turkey/Eagle split, I waited and only TWO
eagles actually did the trail correctly. A Boy Named
Sue and Head Eunuch came together (it's nicest that
way) and I insisted that they go out together too.
(Beaver and Can't Say No are nice to share their
boys.) Head Eunuch didn't want to wait for any other
Eagles because he was afraid he'd get "too cold". At
the start he only had short sleeves and shorts on
while the rest of us were dressed for winter. I told
Can't Say No her husband must be a real stud. She
said he's not, and something about how he'd like to
The Turkeys had a little more up to go, and then an
easy down down down down to the picnic area where a
toasty fire and lots of yummy Halloweenie treats and
3.2 Schnapps (we are always careful to follow ALL
rules and regulations) and 3.2 Rum, and plenty of 3.2
beer awaited them. Entertainment was provided by
Silicone Desire, as mentioned above.
At the start, during chalk-talk, I told the eagle
hounds if you hear this -- TOOT! TOO-OO-OOT!! -- while
on trail, RUN LIKE HELL. Some knew of the railroad
tunnels going through the upper regions of this park,
and hence the lack of mystery when they knew where
trail would go. Regardless, they still got screwed up
and Raggedy Anus went up and up the talus slope and
creosote-log dumping grounds and then through a tiny
tunnel, and then back DOWN, dragging along Just Bill
(80-Lays's boy toy) who swore NEVER to follow Raggedy
on trail again. True trail did, in fact, go up the
slope, but then turned left through the much longer
and more dangerous tunnel. When I couldn't find
Raggedy, whom I was told was in a different tunnel
when the train went through, I yelled and yelled.
Then someone downhill hollered up to me, "Raggedy has
a message for you."
What does it mean when someone shows you their butt???
I'm still trying to figure that one out. Not knowing
for sure what he was trying to say, I showed him mine
too. When in Rome...
I confess, I just about shit my pants when I was going
backwards on trail to sweep for Eagles which meant I
was going through the tunnel alone a 2nd time -- and
about 30 seconds before reaching the end of the tunnel
I heard this noise like "TOOT! TOO-OO-OOT!!" I then
followed my own advice to the hounds and RAN LIKE HELL
to the end of the tunnel and screamed to the hounds
who had just arrived, TRAAAAIIIINNNNN!!!! Head Eunuch
and (dang-it-I'm-bad-with-names) some hound w/him
laughed and laughed, and watched this big-ass train
speed out of the tunnel about 10 seconds after I got
out gasping and being just plain glad to be alive.
Fortunately noone else had that close a brush with the
many big-ass trains that came through that day.
(Chucky and I were SO certain that the trains would
cum thru only about once per hour, because when we
were scouting that's about how often they came. Well
son of a bitch, they were busy buggers Sunday and
Sinbad says a couple of them came through with only
about 10 minutes between.)
Some people loved the trail with its many hazards,
hills, talus slopes and choo-choos. But I know of at
least one that was cussing me out -- which this person
NEVER does -- as s/he had to overcome about TWO
phobias (heights and tunnels) in order to get back to
Anyway, all's well that ends well. We're all alive.
(Even me. I can now boast about outrunning a train.)
We had lots of hot cocoa and the hares got a lot of
down-downs (one hare drinks, they ALL drink) and
everyone got a good workout in, which is, of course,
the whole point!!!
Birdman and Birdman Junior (bad w/names!!) also did
the eagle trail, and G.Q. was the sexiest eagle of all
with some semi-sheer black nylons and blue jean shorts
with a flowery hem. Little Head shortcut with others
over the top and finished really early. I can’t
figure out how Wimp did trail because I thought he was
behind the pack and all of a sudden he was heading
on-down in front of us.
Speedbump shortcut a whole bunch from the first check
and ended up in front of Pyro and his better half and
Beaver before the beer check. Sizzlean was too fast
to be seen, and Roll Her Over and her new boot friend
-- hope you had fun! -- were in WAY before I came in
with the DFL Raggedy Anus. (Give him credit: He
carried some 70-pound cross-like thing up part of the
talus slope, through the tunnel and down the trail to
the On-In. I HOPE he did a down-down for that, but I
After my Near Death Experience and far too many beers,
I hope I'm forgiven for forgetting other hounds in
this little novel.
Diaper Dumper just woke up and is crying for her
mommy. Gotta go! On-on everyone.
Pump Me Harder
Back to more trash or...