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Hash Trash

Boulder hash 27 October 2002

Since no one volunteered to write hash trash, I'll give a quick accounting of the events as I recall them:
The hares were ChuckE Cheeks, Silicone Desires, and PumpMeHarder. It was cold, damp, and cloudy. We went up hill. We went up some more. Then there was an incline. Then a mountain. Then, a BEER CHECK! Then the Turkeys headed back for the cars, while the Eagles went UP. There was a steep hill covered with slippery pine needles and loose rocks. Then we got to a wall of rock, it must have been an 80 degree incline! Boulders crashing down! Ice and snow! We got to the top, only to be thwarted by a fast-moving train. We got into the tunnel, and it was DARK. I was SCARED, so I held on tightly to 80-lays, despite her protestations. Finally, she released my grip and ran from the tunnel, with me in hot pursuit. Then it was down, down, down, to the On-In, where SiliconeDesires had parked her 4x4 neatly on top of a boulder, 3 of her wheels in the air. The park ranger laughed, to see such sport, and the squirrel ran away with the foccaccia. It got cold and dark unexpectedly quickly, because of the time change. BlueLips turned into an icicle, and had to be thawed out over the BBQ pit. There was pumpkin pie and the shortest version of Swing Low I've ever heard. Fun was had by all.
Thus endeth another fine hash.

I see that G.Q. already wrote a Hash trash for Sunday’s BH3 run, but since I had already written this earlier – and didn’t end up sending it when interrupted – I will go ahead and share my hash trash with you if you’re interested. Here it is.
If ya didn't get out to the Boulder Hash event last Sunday, then you're NOT too tired to check your email and read all about it now. The rest of you who DID cum, it's understandable if you are still resting your weary bones.
Okay, so that's overstating it perhaps, but it was not simply a "walk in the park."
I apologize right now for not remembering or mentioning all the names, but about 30 hounds came out on this overcast and chilly day to brave the hills and rocks and occasional slippery spot (ooh, I know you boy hounds liked that) on trail in Eldorado Canyon State Park. What took about 5 hours to scout took the eagles about 2 hours to complete. Trail first went up, and then a bit later it went up some more, and then after that it went up. You get the picture.
At the historic and high-society Crags Hotel everyone enjoyed a wide variety of refreshments carted there by our favorite Shurpa (aka Llama and/or packhorse) Chucky Cheeks. The portion of trail DOWN from the beer check takes me 10 minutes of pure running to cover. You can imagine how long it took Chucky to carry a 40+ pound cooler ON HIS HEAD going UP the same trail!!! Of course he had to do a down-down for that!
Silicone Desire was our third hare, but she did her work in her SUV. We should have told her, in retrospect, NOT to try and drive her truck over boulders. The park ranger dude had a good laugh telling us how he'd "never in all his days" seen someone try and park their truck on TOP of a 3-foot boulder. The front tire went over -- kachunk -- the rock, but Silicone was surprised that it wouldn't go backwards over what she calls "a little tiny rock!" 6 strong hounds eventually grabbed the front end and this time the driver (not Silicone) DIDN'T stall it out, and the truck was freed.
After Crag's hotel, the eagles had about 4 creatively-laid "checks" to investigate and when we sent them on-out to do so, they -- the bastards -- said together, "Oh, that's easy!!" and ignored all checks but the correct one. Damn them. Then we sent the Turkeys on-out their correct trail up and into the woods.
At the Turkey/Eagle split, I waited and only TWO eagles actually did the trail correctly. A Boy Named Sue and Head Eunuch came together (it's nicest that way) and I insisted that they go out together too. (Beaver and Can't Say No are nice to share their boys.) Head Eunuch didn't want to wait for any other Eagles because he was afraid he'd get "too cold". At the start he only had short sleeves and shorts on while the rest of us were dressed for winter. I told Can't Say No her husband must be a real stud. She said he's not, and something about how he'd like to be... :)
The Turkeys had a little more up to go, and then an easy down down down down to the picnic area where a toasty fire and lots of yummy Halloweenie treats and 3.2 Schnapps (we are always careful to follow ALL rules and regulations) and 3.2 Rum, and plenty of 3.2 beer awaited them. Entertainment was provided by Silicone Desire, as mentioned above.
At the start, during chalk-talk, I told the eagle hounds if you hear this -- TOOT! TOO-OO-OOT!! -- while on trail, RUN LIKE HELL. Some knew of the railroad tunnels going through the upper regions of this park, and hence the lack of mystery when they knew where trail would go. Regardless, they still got screwed up and Raggedy Anus went up and up the talus slope and creosote-log dumping grounds and then through a tiny tunnel, and then back DOWN, dragging along Just Bill (80-Lays's boy toy) who swore NEVER to follow Raggedy on trail again. True trail did, in fact, go up the slope, but then turned left through the much longer and more dangerous tunnel. When I couldn't find Raggedy, whom I was told was in a different tunnel when the train went through, I yelled and yelled. Then someone downhill hollered up to me, "Raggedy has a message for you."
What does it mean when someone shows you their butt??? I'm still trying to figure that one out. Not knowing for sure what he was trying to say, I showed him mine too. When in Rome...
I confess, I just about shit my pants when I was going backwards on trail to sweep for Eagles which meant I was going through the tunnel alone a 2nd time -- and about 30 seconds before reaching the end of the tunnel I heard this noise like "TOOT! TOO-OO-OOT!!" I then followed my own advice to the hounds and RAN LIKE HELL to the end of the tunnel and screamed to the hounds who had just arrived, TRAAAAIIIINNNNN!!!! Head Eunuch and (dang-it-I'm-bad-with-names) some hound w/him laughed and laughed, and watched this big-ass train speed out of the tunnel about 10 seconds after I got out gasping and being just plain glad to be alive.
Fortunately noone else had that close a brush with the many big-ass trains that came through that day. (Chucky and I were SO certain that the trains would cum thru only about once per hour, because when we were scouting that's about how often they came. Well son of a bitch, they were busy buggers Sunday and Sinbad says a couple of them came through with only about 10 minutes between.)
Some people loved the trail with its many hazards, hills, talus slopes and choo-choos. But I know of at least one that was cussing me out -- which this person NEVER does -- as s/he had to overcome about TWO phobias (heights and tunnels) in order to get back to safety. (sorry!!!)
Anyway, all's well that ends well. We're all alive. (Even me. I can now boast about outrunning a train.) We had lots of hot cocoa and the hares got a lot of down-downs (one hare drinks, they ALL drink) and everyone got a good workout in, which is, of course, the whole point!!!
Birdman and Birdman Junior (bad w/names!!) also did the eagle trail, and G.Q. was the sexiest eagle of all with some semi-sheer black nylons and blue jean shorts with a flowery hem. Little Head shortcut with others over the top and finished really early. I can’t figure out how Wimp did trail because I thought he was behind the pack and all of a sudden he was heading on-down in front of us.
Speedbump shortcut a whole bunch from the first check and ended up in front of Pyro and his better half and Beaver before the beer check. Sizzlean was too fast to be seen, and Roll Her Over and her new boot friend -- hope you had fun! -- were in WAY before I came in with the DFL Raggedy Anus. (Give him credit: He carried some 70-pound cross-like thing up part of the talus slope, through the tunnel and down the trail to the On-In. I HOPE he did a down-down for that, but I can't remember.)
After my Near Death Experience and far too many beers, I hope I'm forgiven for forgetting other hounds in this little novel.
Diaper Dumper just woke up and is crying for her mommy. Gotta go! On-on everyone.
Pump Me Harder
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